My Support System

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This assignment is one that has hit close to my heart this week. I have written a few times in both my blog and in different assignments about the fact that about 10 years ago I suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). This was a time in my life that has lead to many different outcomes that I never saw for myself. Before my head injury I was a "normal" happy teenage girl. I spend my days with friends, laughing and smiling. Always being the bright spot in any situation I was in. I relished being the center of attention and even made a living doing that. I was a professional singer from the age of 13 and that is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. After my TBI I had to deal with memory loss, both long term and short term, personality changes, suicidal tendencies, inappropriate mood swings and so many other things. I went from being a student who never not into trouble to being kicked out of class for snapping at my teachers. I got into fights with my parents who before my TBI were my best friends, as an only child they were all I had. Needless to say the structures of my life were falling apart around me. I was told after seeing specialist after specialist that I wasn't likely going to graduate from high school let alone go to college, and forget about being able to really earn a living and support myself. I had to go through hours of testing that would frustrate and completely debilitate me mentally, emotionally, and physically. It was amazing how much using your brain could wear a person down! Through all of this I had my parents. My mom was in my corner fighting for me from day one, but this was nothing new considering I was a gifted and talented child who also had a disability (we didn't find that out until I went through all the testing at 17 years old). My dad who was my best friend up until this point, became enemy number one in my eyes. We couldn't agree on anything and he didn't understand or have the patience to deal with all the changes his little girl was going through. He also couldn't deal with it because his little girl was damaged and different. Don't get me wrong, he loved me as much as the day I was born, but he just didn't understand. My mom was by my side every step of the way through all of my ups and downs. I was able to pull it together enough that I not only finished high school with my regents diploma, but went on to have a semi-successful college career. I say semi-successful because it took me 6 years to graduate with my teaching degree but I can hold my head high because I did it.

After I graduated from college I got my first teaching job within a week and haven't looked back. Well my positives came to a screaming halt this past January. I was working for an Early Head Start program who was going through a review year. I have a difficult time with paperwork because to this day I still have long and short term memory loss, but I work very hard to keep up with everything that I need to do. Without going into too much detail, I was fired from my job for not being able to keep up with the demands that were placed on my by my employer, between doing my job, going back to school, and taking outside training it all started to become too much. I tried to express my concerns to my employer about this months before but they fell on "deaf ears." Once again my mother comes up to bat for me, at 27 years of age, because what happened was not right. Even though I have had successes that make me feel like a "normal" person trying to make it in this world, there are so many things that smack you back down the ladder. If you were to meet me, you would never suspect that I have 2 disabilities. I am educated, have good communication skills, and my social skills are even better. However, when it comes to admitting it out loud it can be embarrassing to me so many people do not know my background when it comes to the TBI. I am not a person to ask for help, and having my mom here to tell me that it's okay really means more than I can explain. My husband, family and friends are all there for me, but it's different to have someone ready to go up to bat for you rain or shine.

My mom is my biggest supporter. She take my highest highs with me, but she is always there for my lowest lows! She never judges me if I make a mistake, but she is there to help me learn and grow from it. She told a co-worker the other day, that even though I am married, have my own house, and support myself, dealing with a TBI is a life long disability. I will never lead a "normal" life when it comes to the things I can and can't do. My mom is always there to remind me that that's okay. I am thankful for all that she does and all that she means to me

My connections to Play

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” ― Plato
"Play is the highest form of research." - Albert Einstein

I have to say that this was actually a very difficult assignment for me. I suffered from a traumatic brain injury when I was in high school. This has left me with short term and long term memory loss. The reason that I am talking about this is becasue I have VERY FEW memories growing up. I don't remember much about my life before my head injury and only have the stories that people tell to go off of for most things. That being said I can't honesly say what thinks would be essential to me at 4 or 5 because I have no idea what I did back then. I do know that I was one who listened to music all the time, no matter what I was doing. Even if it was just running laps around my house so I would have to say that I would need a tape player/CD player/iPod.
  
I grew up as an only child and I spend most of my time around adults. My parents were the type who would be on the ground playing pretend just as much as I would. They supported my growth and development through play without even knowing they were doing it. They encouraged me to use my imagination and  would help to create my own words that we would play in. I did have a best friend growing up and she happened to live right next door. We were able to play together most of the time and cultivated a friendship that was more along the lines of sisterhood. When the weather was nice we would ride our bikes everywhere and just stay outside until we were called home for dinner at night. I would say that one essential play item for me would be a bike! When we were younger they would be our horses and we would get them buckets of water and saw dust (as feed) after a long ride around the neighborhood.  Before I could ride on my own, i had a seat on the back of my dad's bike and we would all go riding during the summer. Every night we would be out there, exploring the world as my mom would say.



One thing I can say is that I was the son my dad never had. I loved to go out into the woods, play outside in the mud. I was the rough and tumble kids that was always exploring the world around me. I was NOT a girl who would sit in the house and play with barbies or any other kid of dolls. I didn't even like action figures. I always have to be moving and doing something. My parents supported that part of me and never made to feel like I needed to be someone else. Even though I don't have a lot of memories of my childhood history, I know that with what I do remember and the stories my family tells I know I wouldn't have changed it for anything!

I do not think that play is that same as when I was younger. I say this because children were encouraged to go outside and not come back until dinner, but to be SAFE! TV was a special treat that I go for my wind down time so that I could watch cartoon on TNT from 7:00-8:00 after my bath time. That was my night time ritual and I do have a specific memory of that.  Children today don't always have the opportunities to play because they are side tracked by the TV, or other technology around them.

I feel it is so important for people to continue to play throughout their lives. Play is meant to be something that is not thought about and is free in its purest form. I use play in my life by continuing to play sports throughout the year. I also go horseback riding regularly. Sometimes we go to the beach down the road and just spend the day in the water. I chose to work with children so that I didn't have to go up and become too serious. Children help to to bring out our inner child and remember what life is really about once we get down on the floor and see the world through their eyes and their play.

Relationship Reflection

Relationships: the glue that holds people together. It can be on a personal level, or a professional one. Relationships can be very in depth and span the course of years. There are also relationships that just begin to scratch the surface and only around for a moment in time. Quality characteristics in any relationship include both depth and sincerity. I believe it is important to a few good, solid and rewarding relationships rather than focusing on too many people, who slip in and out of your life as and when they please. I also think that our relationships don’t have to be with just other humans. The relationships that we have with our animals as well as technology also play a role in our lives today. Today we are seeing more and more people who view their pets as children. I just recently read an article for a new movie called “Her”. This explores the relationship between a man and his computer operating system (Phone?). While this concept may seem new to many people it is not. There was another movie made on the same kind of premise, people taking relationships to others besides humans. This movie was called “Lars and the Real Girl” This movie showed a man who created a relationship with his (sex) doll. He truly believed that she was real. If you haven’t seen this movie I HIGHLY suggest it. It shows not just his relationship with her, but also how this “strange” relationship he had with her effected all of the people around him (the whole town).

There are several people in my life to which I would not be where I am today. The first and foremost would be my parents. My mom Cathy is the cement that keeps our crazy family together. She has been my rock during hard times and through her strength I have been able to succeed even when I thought I wouldn’t. She loves me with a fierce passion and had a determination to raise me to be the best I could be! She was there when my dad and I couldn’t even be in the same room after my TBI. She was the buffer on both ends. She selflessly gave of herself to keep our family together during some of our darkest times, and because our beacon of light and hope. Today my mom is my best friend and confident. My father Brian was my best friend growing up. We did everything together, even if it was just jumping into the care a driving around the block to the post office. Those were our adventures. We took as many as could. We were like Mutt and Jeff, never apart. Our relationship got strained when I had my TBI, because my dad had a hard time coming to terms that I could possibly not be his little girl anymore. He felt that he was a fault that he couldn’t get to me in time, and that stress caused a fracture to form. Over time it has healed and we are again just as close as ever.
  Dad and Mom!

Then there is my loving and supportive husband Andy. From the moment I met him I knew that he was the one. We have been through so many ups and downs together but somehow always managed to come out better people than when we went in. He was the one person that I could turn to when all heck would break loose in my house after my head injury. He stuck around during some of the darkest times of my life, and he was the one holding the flashlight meeting me in the middle. This relationship has had the most profound effect on me. My parents are family and therefore they have to love me, or at least tollorate me. Andy didn’t have to stick around and yet here we are today. When we met I was a silly 17 year old girl who didn’t know much about life or the world. Today I am 27 years old and I would like to think that I know who I am and what I stand for. It is because of these amazing people that I have had in my life to help me.
  Andy and I.
    
The last relationship that I want to talk about is the one I have with my dogs. Yes, I am the crazy lady who thinks that my dogs are my children. I have three pups and they all have a special place in my heart. All of my dogs are rescues from down south, where before I got them, they lived terrible lives that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. That being said, my first dog that I rescued was Chad. Out of all three Chad holds a very special place in my heart. When I went away to college and left everything behind, I adopted a little puppy to keep me company. Little did I know that this little dog would be the one who saved me. As I talked about before I went through some dark times. Chad was there when no one else was, late at night when I would cry myself to sleep because of the depression, and he would be there during my mood swings trusting me that I would never hurt him. His unconditional love that he gave to me helped me to overcome my TBI and the struggles that came along with that. From the moment I met him we have been inseparable and I am a better person because he is in my life. He also took the pain from my family during times of loss, and offered a shoulder to cry on, a silent guard, and constant companion. He helped my mother overcome the loss of her parents by just being there. My mom is NOT an animal person and never allowed me to have pets. Yet this pup somehow managed to worm his way into not just her heart but her soul. And has had similar effects on other members of our family. I like to think he is not just a dog, but a guardian angel sent to help me and my family when we need him most.
            
         Cosmo, Sophie, Chad                                             Me and my special boy!