Adjourning Stage of Development

Adjourning Stage:

I believe that the hardest part about leaving a group is when you have invested much of yourself and taken in the others you have been working with. What I mean is, that if I was going to do a job with a team of people, we come in for our day, we work, hardly talking unless it has to do with our project and at the end of the day punch out, and go home. There is no vested interest in the people i am working with, only the need to get the work completed. Those connections have been made so saying goodbye at the end, whether successful or not would not be difficult for me. I believe that many of us can say the same thing.

Being able to say goodbye to those you have built those strong connections with can be extremely difficult. You are involved with them on a personal level and it can create lasting relationships even after the project is over. Having rituals is important to saying goodbye. Some places have a small party, or sign a card to give to the person leaving. Sometimes it's going out to have a drink to celebrate a job well done. Whatever the case may be, the rituals we have helps to put a finality to the ending state.

I believe that it will be easier to leave this group of colleagues that I have here over say leaving where I work for a new job. Even though we have been engaged and working with each other for over a year now, those one-on-one connections are not as strong through an internet based course. I am not saying that this is how everyone feels, but this is just my feelings. I think I have to have those in person conversations when you can look a person in the eye when talking to them to help form those bonds. We have the commonality of going through the same experiences together, and working together but not the interaction and that is a totally different thing.

Conflict

So one conflict that I have recently had was a disagreement with my husband. We don't argue often but when we do it always seems to be over the same things. This time it was over the fact that my dog sometimes has accidents in the house. She has them in a room we never really go into, so it seems to me like she is hiding the fact that she does it. My husband gets all grumpy about it, but at the same time doesn't really ever do anything to fix the problem. I try to explain that it is just like children, consistency is key, but I can't do it alone.
One thing that I learned from this week, is that I need to stay calm and try to listen to what he is saying and how he is feeling. I usually go into automatic defense mode and my hackles are raised. This does not help, as I end up usually just end up disregarding what he says because I feel attacked, instead of just listening and sifting through the information.

The other thing that I learned, is that we really need to try and form a list of solutions and pick one that works for both of us. Getting rid of the dog is NOT an option, so we need to come up with something else that we are both willing to work with. Maybe that way we can work as a team, and not as opposing forces trying to get to the same solution different ways. I have also learned that this is easier said than done, but I really feel that if we take the time to do the steps in conflict resolution consciously, it will be easier to get through each time something happens and to work through it.

I have attached a picture of my sweet baby Sophie, so you can see why it is so difficult to stay mad at her, and then go for each other throats!!! She is JUST TOO CUTE to be grumpy with... don't you think??!?

Me as a communicator

         When it came to my personal results from the exams that I took, I was not really in the least surprised. I like to think that I am a very self aware person and know both my strengths as well as my shortcoming that could use some work. Being that I am constantly cognizant of these traits I believe that this leads me to have a better idea at what my results would yield, and I was correct.
    
       I did find that my husband thought that I had more anxiety with public speaking than I honestly really do. I am not sure why he felt this way, but it was only marginally higher than my score, but it did bump me from the lowest score (mine was 21) to a 34. It was significant enough difference to change what category I was in. When I asked him about it, he said he had a difficult time answering questions that had to do with the physical effect that one can get when speaking in public or in groups. This could have skewed the results to show to him I have a higher anxiety than I truly believe that I do. My co-worker who took the test was exactly online with my answers, except we were just a number or two off on the verbal aggression. She actually had me as less than I had myself.
 

Communication

The one person that I would like to emulate as a model for positive communication skills is my mother. I say this because she is a person who can go into any situation and feel confident that she can convey her thoughts aloud to anyone be it a group or one-on-one. She is a secretary for the state, and she communicates with everyone from students, to custodial staff, interns and resident/researching doctors. She has this amazing ability that makes everyone instantly comfortable and willing to talk with her no matter their station. She also has an eloquence about her that allows her to not just be able to speak with but actually carry out intellectual conversations with people with far more "education and status" that she has in the world. However, she can also talk to the "peons" of the world and not make them feel insufficient or uneducated compared to how she speaks! It truly is amazing.
She is also someone who when she asks questions (personal or not) she actually cares and wants to her the answers to what they have to say. She isn't one to just make polite conversation because it is the right thing to do in our society. She actually takes a genuine interest in what is being told to her, even if she doesn't fully understand the context (like some of the research the doctors are doing) but she listens and asks more questions to try to clarify.
My mom also has this ability to speak to people who are angry or unreasonable and help them to see they are being unruly. She speaks to them in a way that she actually drops her voice to a lower octave and speaks slower in a calm soothing manor. She works a personal mediator between my father and I who don't always see eye to eye and can come out in a yelling match. When I was younger and living at home this was a serious problem, but my mom was always able to handle the situation, I have NO idea how she did it. When I am upset or mad I call her and she is somehow able to look at situations from different angles and show me different perspective or talk me through different situations because of this ability. 

YES!! She is someone that I try  to model in my everyday life, and remember how she would feel if I communicated something in a negative way. If she is unhappy with the way I might handle something (communication wise) I would rethink my response or actions.

Professional Hopes and Goals

My hope for when I work with families in the future is that each of us will have the patience to get to know one another and the unique qualities that each side brings to the classroom. I want to be given the chance to get to know the unique traditions, values and beliefs that each child brings with them from their family and communities. I know that it takes a village to raise a child, that is why i feel their culture comes from more than just the immediate family that surrounds them. I want my classroom to feel welcoming and a place of acceptance for those to come in, share, and be a part of our classroom community.

One professional goal that I have for myself is to become more thoroughly acquainted with the idea of Microaggressions which we learned about in week 6. I want to know enough about this topic and the research behind it to compile a mini course specifically designed for all students to take at a college/professional level. I would make a case to the board that this is not just a course for teachers, or social workers, but for all students. We are all subjected to some sort of microaggression no matter who we are, but we also all give out microaggressions. Most of us are not aware we are making such a transgression, and knowledge is power. Giving people the self mindedness that comes from learning about microaggressions can help to create a more harmonious society and takes us further away from the ideas of discrimination as it should be.
I would have to say that the topic on microaggressions is one area that I would want to expand my knowledge about in a professional way. Seeing how I would like to one day teach a course on this topic, I should gain as much knowledge as possible about it. This is a topic that I knew nothing about for the first 27 years of my life, and I don’t like to think about how many indiscretions in this area I may have made in those years and not have had any idea. To me this is such a vital part of how humans function and categorize/empathize/sympathize that we are not even aware how it might be completely inappropriate. 

I wanted to thank all of my class mates for helping to expand my realm of thinking and push my limits to expand in the knowledge of this topic. Through our blogs and discussions, I have really had the opportunities to look at the world through your experiences and perspectives and that is something that I truly value! I wish you luck throughout the rest of your semesters and also your journey in the early childhood field, wherever you may go. 

Families from around the world

I would be teaching a UPK classroom and I decided to look up the country of Tonga.

First I would look up what language they speak so I know if I will need to get an interpreter somehow, or if we will be able to communicate. In Tonga, they speak both Tongan, which is an Austronesian language of the Oceanic subgroup, as well as English.

 I would look up information on the place/history of where they live.

• Tonga is a small island in the middle of the South Pacific. This is a country that is still ruled by a Polynesian monarchy, and where most Tongans live in small villages not big towns or cities.  This is the only pacific island that was NEVER colonized by a bigger nation or power.

Next I would look up information on their education system to see where that falls into their list of priorities.

• Tonga provides for its citizens free and mandatory education for all. Secondary education with only nominal fees and foreign-funded scholarships for post-secondary education! Tongans enjoy a relatively high level of education, with a 98.9% literacy rate, and higher education up to and including medical and graduate degrees (pursued mostly overseas).

Then I would look at religious belief or customs.

•  Everyday life is heavily influenced by Polynesian traditions and especially by the Christian faith; for example, all commerce and entertainment activities cease from midnight on Saturday until midnight on Sunday, and the constitution declares the Sabbath sacred forever. 

After religion, I would look up any cultural "hobbies"(for lack of a better word).

• the most famous local craft is the making of Tapa, a decorative bark cloth painted with traditional symbols and designs. Tapa is usually offered as a gift of respect at weddings, births and funerals. Tongan arts and handicrafts, including bone carving, wood carving, basket making and fine weaving made using techniques passed down through generations of Tongan craftspeople.

Finally I would look at their traditions.

•  Food is the occasion for a family gathering only at the end of the day. But they can eat freely during the course of the day. The ritual of kava drinking characterizes both formal and daily events. It is nonalcoholic but slightly narcotic. People sit cross-legged in an elliptical pattern whose long axis is headed by the bowl on one side and by the highest-ranked participant on the other.
• People shake hands when they meet, and relatives kiss by pressing each other's noses against their faces and soundly inhaling through the nose.
• Most food is eaten with the hands, although silverware also is used. It is customary to wash one's hands at the beginning and end of a meal.  
• The gesture of raising the eyebrows in conversation expresses one's understanding of the speaker's speech and is an invitation to continue. It is difficult for people to admit failure in understanding or to respond negatively to requests.

  
  I would know that I should be able to at least communicate with them to a certain point because we would speak the same language. Although depending on how frequently they used English they might not have as much vocabulary, but we could work through it together! I would also know how to greet them when we met, some cultures don't like to touch while others are very touchy/feely. Also the child might not use utensils often, so they might eat with their hands when we get lunch/snack in the classroom.

  
  Reference:

http://www.thekingdomoftonga.com/

Personal Side

One very strong memory I have that still effects me to this day is from when I was a little girl I was taking out of my first grade class and held back on the reasoning that I was not teachable, and not intelligent enough to move forward. Granted my parents were informed of this during open house (3^rd week of school). I was placed in remedial reading, and when I was in school that was a separate classroom where the kids who wore helmets and bibs would go during the day. Talk about a blow to self-esteem! This is an absolute time that I felt powerless. Of course I realize it more now as an adult reflecting on how I felt back then, than when I was living it. I felt as if I didn’t really matter and they just swept me under the rug because they didn’t want to deal with the “problem”. That’s how this assertion of power made me feel, like a problematic outcast.

Equity was completely and totally demolished and power was taken away from me by those who made me feel so low.  It wasn't until recent years that I would even talk about this situation, let alone how I felt because I always felt that I would be judged by those who knew the "truth" .